Photo: Written in sand

The heart tells you where you want to be, not where you need to go.

Destiny is not written in the stars. It is written in sand. Recharting a life will change it forever – just as simply, a fingerstroke can change an entire sand-art irreversibly.

A destiny can also be re-written to imitate, but its size, length, shape, depth can never be the original.

I must know what it feels like to be weightless. One’s life is as weightless as vapour in the air, and as effortlessly these grains of sand will also be washed away and forgotten with time.

Right now my heart wishes to stay. Yet after much contemplation over stuff I’ve encountered in the past weeks, my internal struggle, that has persisted for more than a year, finally came to its own conclusion, hence allowing me a sense of quasi-liberation. Guilt-laden, nonetheless.

Perhaps this projects an indifference, but I am truly not the emotionless bitch I appear to be.
I just don’t want people to love me too much, too deeply, because it will kill me a thousandfold inside to be a disappointment to them eventually.

No xoxo today.

Published by VIKTORIA JEAN

"Do you see the story? Do you see anything?... It seems to me I am trying to tell you a dream - making a vain attempt, because no relation of a dream can convey the dream sensation... No, it is impossible; it is impossible to convey the life-sensation of any given epoch of one's existence - that which makes its truth, its meaning - its subtle and penetrating essence. It is impossible. We live, as we dream - alone." Marlow in Heart of Darkness, Joseph Conrad.

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