[DIARY] LOVE YOUR IMPERFECTIONS

31 days into 2015 and it has been surreal. I’ve been thankful each day for the people I’ve met, especially to those I’ve learnt to count on for simply being there.

The obstacles in my current career are finally levelling out. I’m beginning to understand why some of my colleagues would fall in love with this jet-setting lifestyle. Don’t be fooled – good money and free travel comes at a price. When I tell my friends about the hardships we face on a daily basis, everyone rethinks the facade of a glamorous lifestyle we lead. A certain kind of sadism cannot be denied (of me) since I’ve stayed beyond my 2-year bond not for the money but the sheer intensity of hard work involved. I love challenges and when they come my way, they become means of making me a better person, because the process of clearing major hurdles forces one into endless introspection.

I like to think that what I’ve really done in this past 2 years was to experience the world, gather my thoughts on living, get to know a lot more people. And then I really want to write them down. Whilst I will leave my job, the journey is not over. For those who can live vicariously through my words someday I hope you know that life is about giving and receiving experiences, not the things you buy or get to keep. I also know that life is not about making sure something or somebody stays in your life as long as possible when you know they are not yours to keep.

2015, I don’t expect you to be awesome. I foresee bad days, heartaches, disappointment and yet another emotional roller coaster ride. But I trust myself to know that when 2015 comes to an end I’ll emerge triumphant with battle scars that makes me both imperfect and wiser. This is what we have to do.

Accumulate experiences like it is the air you have to breathe, for in time to come we’ll have our own stories to tell. Tell yourself to keep going, run the extra mile, and don’t be afraid to fight losing battles, or to lose. Never lose sight of who you were. Never forget who was there for you when you needed them the most. Most importantly, never fall out of love with yourself. Love who you are, and appreciate who you’re not. Embrace and acknowledge all your imperfections. Because the most imperfect people have been through the worst.

“I am not a graceful person. I am not a Sunday morning or a Friday sunset. I am a Tuesday 2 a.m., gunshots muffled by a few city blocks, I am a broken window during February. My bones crack on a nightly basis. I fall from elegance with a dull thud, and I apologize for my awkward sadness. I sometimes believe that I don’t belong around people, that I belong to all the leap days that didn’t happen. The way light and darkness mix under my skin has become a storm. You don’t see the lightning, but you hear the echoes.”
Anna Peters

I want to hear some good stories when December 31st comes round.

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

viktoriajean

Christmas at the Kremlin

Kremlin Moscow Red Square 2

Christmas was lovely in Moscow, a truly white experience! Sheer beauty of the Kremlin (fortress) never fails to give me the chills. The best part, we inadvertently extended festive season. Aren’t international flights kinda like time-travel? 12 hours ago it was Christmas Eve morning in Moscow as we boarded the 12-hour flight to Houston. Into the States, it was still Christmas Eve late morning in Texas when we touched down. After hotel brekkie this morning we exchanged gifts amongst the 15 of us. Life’s good.

Kremlin Moscow Red Square 3

Kremlin Moscow Red Square 1

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

[THAILAND] oo2.Island Lovin’

Headed for Thailand’s Koh Samui with my favourite travel pals in exactly 3 days’!! ❤
So stoked about scuba-diving, and living the island life in my friends’ resort. Also can’t wait to start partying at the local hotspots on Chaweng Beach.

Koh Samet Thailand

On our last trip to Koh Samet, another offshore party island in the Gulf of Thailand, we spent our afternoons snorkelling, swimming, speed-boating, tanning, scuba-diving, Thai-massaging, getting our asses bruised from bumpy rides on the island lorry and eating the freshest seafood the island has to offer.

Though we won’t be in time for Koh Samui’s famous full-moon parties, my local Thai friends insist that the island’s year round nightlife is insane. I’ll believe when I see it!

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

November, Please Be Awesome

hellonv
Saying goodbye to a beautiful month of October, ushering in my favorite year-end season, with a resolution to be always mindful, never to treat anyone with a careless disregard. I was in London treading on mounds of fallen autumn leaves, feeling nostalgia for days gone by. And suddenly I’m in Christchurch with my fourth bout of food poisoning this year, from the mussels and seafood cooked by a couple of friends and I. Ten months into 2013, I still don’t feel the urgency to treasure this slippery concept of time. Day to day, things change too fast to grasp and savor the beauty of each moment, each person, floating through our transient lives.

A slice of Copenhagen

Officially am the mad Asian girl snapping away with her iPhone,
at architecture that citizens of Denmark would have seen all their lives.

Here’s a slice of Copenhagen:
the streets of Vester Farimagsgade 9
as seen through my eyes.

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Taking shelter underneath my umbrella in the drizzle proves to be a disadvantage,
for my hands were really unstable,
and I had zero sense of angle/perspectives.

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Mad love for vintage architecture!!
Classical to be exact, but I’ve not exactly learnt how to differentiate the two.  photo IMG_9760.jpg

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Walked quite a distance considering I have 3 hours to kill between waking up and lunch with the crew. photo IMG_9749.jpg

My favorite hangout in the neighbourhood!
If I could wake up to this everyday, it would be such a blessing.
Felt so at peace with the world just by standing on the jogging path
overlooking this river.
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Beauty in the mundane —
was the first thought that came to mind when I saw these postboxes. photo IMG_9812.jpg

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The hotdog seller was giving me a strange look,
as if he found it incredulous that I was snapping a photo of his hotdog stand. photo IMG_9827.jpg

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All these within the hour and I’m still in time for lunch.
Well-worth the 12hours we took to arrive at Copenhagen!

xoxo
Jean

P.S Biggest bonus of my job: catching sunrise 35000 feet above the ground
This is such a bad shot but you can see the sliver of red that indicates the rising sun…
Upclose, it’s absolutely breathtaking.
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the best memories

The best memories remain when the worst are forgotten.
None is as great a peacemaker as time,
that simmers sharp pangs to a dull ache of the heart
and wipes all slates clean when the pain comes to pass.

The best memories upholds the smile when the tears are gone.
A gunshot with its reverberations
inadvertently ends with drawn-out silence.
Nothing that lasts an eternity is worth fighting for.

I am
Sincerely wishing everything that’s only the best
for the people who have made the biggest impact on my life
without having to remain in it forever.
The best memories are the candles that once lit up the darkest rooms in your heart.

xoxo
Viktoria Jean

pola

PS. Brief trip down the memory lane,
I found myself smiling.

[THAILAND] oo1. ISLAND AND THE CITY (Bangkok – Ko Samet)

The minute our home-bound aircraft took off, I missed Bangkok already.
Even with my infected tummy hurting so badly from seafood poisoning,
the land of a thousand smiles can’t shake me off.
Thailand, I will be back!!

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The amount of insane things we did on this trip was kept to a minimal
We capped it at scuba-diving, really.
Continue reading “[THAILAND] oo1. ISLAND AND THE CITY (Bangkok – Ko Samet)”

magic squiggles

“What an astonishing thing a book is.
It is a flat object made from a tree with flexible parts,
on which are imprinted lots of funny dark squiggles.
But one glance at it and you’re inside the mind of another person.

Writing is perhaps the greatest of human inventions,
binding together people who never knew each other, citizens of distant epochs.
Books break the shackles of time.
Books are proof that humans are capable of working magic.”

– Carl Sagan

magic

headlights, buggies, immaculate Pixar movies

So this lifelong paper chase concludes in February with the Bachelor’s degree conferred on me
yet the anticipated pride hasn’t hit, let alone any sense of accomplishment at having survived the insanely rigorous rite of passage into the adults’ society.
Why then, did this flimsy piece of paper hold more intrigue ten years ago, than it does now…
perhaps I’ve pictured myself walking down this path one time too many that, like every other thing that I do, melioration sinks into mediocrity.

If we could replay life like a Pixar movie, our mistakes or moments of folly are headlights illuminating a highway no one else cares to lead.
So if you’re one of those buggies foolishly tailgating somebody else’s boot ass you’d better wake the hell up and start burning your own tire tracks because the lines of those in front of you will never make the perfect fit.

That being said, here I am, humbly employed and enclosed in a seemingly harsh, immaculate world where slightest imperfections are headlines in the industry.
Where ‘comfort zones’ don’t exist.
Nor does anyone get to have walls and shadows to hide behind.
Where no one sees your baby steps, only the giant leaps.

I think I finally see perfection.
It is a lifelong chase, that one can never truly and completely attain.

happy

(I’m not entirely sure I’ll ever get to where I want to be.)

xoxo
Till I squeeze out droplets of time to write as freely as this…

152. passing judgements

Detest moments when people decide I’m a pushover. Or I’m a slut, or that I’m a bimbo or a retard.
Maybe I’m a little bit of all of these, but who are you to judge.
I say moments because I’m almost certain it’s not fully intentional, unless of course it’s fully with intent then I can only say I’m human and that my judgements are flawed.

Seriously when will people learn that words can hurt?
Even something trivial or simple, can make somebody have second thoughts about themselves (or decide that their own lives are not worth living) or have these crazy unnecessary worries on top of everything else.
A passing remark can replay in one’s head like a broken record because (solely) to that someone it means a lot.

People attempt to categorize when they’re too lazy/afraid to have themselves be categorized in the same demeanor and hence these hits and misses and wild stabs in the dark,
(and you forgive them simply because they are just not you).

BFF’s prophecies came true.
Honestly I can’t stop what people think of me, but I should stop what I feel towards what others think of me.

Go ahead. In the grander scheme of time, none of these matters.