I’m your fantasy

Took a short hiatus from dance but jumped right back at it because there’s no way I can really stop.

Here’s a throwback to our dance cover of JBJ’s debut song, Fantasy, in honour of their comeback. Enjoy~


JBJ – Fantasy

You’re not a daydreamer
지금 네 눈앞은
너의 시공간을 멈출 새로운 fantasy

네가 날 불러
간절히 원할 때
네 몸 곳곳에 번져 감각을 깨울게

난 달콤한 poison
날 거부하거나 피하는 건 no choices
네 호흡이 네 체온이 불같이
달아오른 걸 아니

Your fantasy
상상 속에 차오른
네 꿈을 모두 꺼내줘
그게 바로 나잖아
더 불태워 봐
뜨거워진 눈빛과
터질 것 같은 열정 다
날 원한만큼 가져봐
I’m your fantasy

네가 내 이름을 불러준 순간에 I’m alive
미로 안 갇힌
날 이끌어 준 건 너야 right
내 목소리가 피어나길 바라
너의 귓가에 또 마음 안에
너는 상상해 내가 만들게
꿈꾸던 모든 게 다 가능하게

감정이 뒤섞인 미로
넌 걱정 마
끌리는 대로 믿고 나를 따라와

숨 막힐 듯한 fever
Cause we run so hot
이젠 멈출 수 없어 내 맘에 올라타

난 달콤한 prison
넌 달아날 수도 숨을 수도 없거든
길들여져 내 품에 더 깊숙이
빠져드는 걸 알아

Your fantasy
상상 속에 차오른
네 꿈을 모두 꺼내줘
그게 바로 나잖아
더 불태워 봐
뜨거워진 눈빛과
터질 것 같은 열정 다
날 원한만큼 가져봐
[현빈/태현] I’m your fantasy

내 이름을 불러줘
널 가득 나로 채워줘
난 너로 만든 masterpiece
[현빈/태현] 더 불태워 봐
뜨거워진 눈빛과
터질 것 같은 열정 다
날 원한만큼 가져봐
I’m your fantasy

Yes No Maybe

Yes, no….. maybe?

In any case, we loved both Mina Myoung’s choreography and Suzy’s stage choreography so we mashed them up a little.

Back with another one, and hope you guys like it ❤

Dancers:
Kris (@mrsxxmicky)
Youwen (@youwenny)
Peiwen (@wynne.wen)
Xiaoman (@celesteyiap)
Yuzhen (@silhouettekiss)
Xavier (xvrlum)

Psst…follow us on Instagram for more!

Yes No Maybe

받지마 알잖아
목소릴 들으면
분명히 내 맘이
또 다시 흔들려
잠깐만 얘기만
나누려 했지만 했지만

Yes no maybe
도대체 내 맘이 뭔지
다신 너를 안 보려 해도
또 너에게 가고 있어
이젠 no more baby
이러는 나를 난 hate me
너를 안 볼 수가 없어
그런데 볼 수도 없어

Yes no no yes no
No yes yes no yes

가지마 돌아가 만나면
알잖아 또 빠져들어가

Yes no maybe
도대체 내 맘이 뭔지
다신 너를 안 보려 해도
또 너에게 가고 있어
이젠 no more baby
이러는 나를 난 hate me
너를 안 볼 수가 없어
그런데 볼 수도 없어

언제까지 이럴 순 없잖아
끝이 뻔한 길을
계속 걸어갈 수는 없잖아
가면 안 되는 길을
되풀이 하는 내 모습을 봐
이런 내가 이해가 안가

Yes no maybe
도대체 내 맘이 뭔지
다신 너를 안 보려 해도
또 너에게 가고 있어
이젠 no more baby
이러는 나를 난 hate me
너를 안 볼 수가 없어
그런데 볼 수도 없어

Yes no no yes no
No yes yes no yes
Yes no no yes no
No yes yes no yes

하지마
마지막이라고 하면서도
또 다시

 

Translation

Don’t pick up
I know when
I hear your voice
My heart will shake again
Though I tried to
Just talk to you

Yes no maybe
I don’t know my heart
I try to not see you ever again
But I’m going to you again
Now no more baby
I hate myself for doing this, hate me
I can’t not see you
But I can’t see you either

Yes no no yes no
No yes yes no yes

Don’t go, if you go
You know you’ll fall for him again

Yes no maybe
I don’t know my heart
I try to not see you ever again
But I’m going to you again
Now no more baby
I hate myself for doing this, hate me
I can’t not see you
But I can’t see you either

I can’t keep doing this
The end is so obvious
I can’t keep walking on this path
This path I shouldn’t be on
I see myself going back on it
I don’t understand myself

Yes no maybe
I don’t know my heart
I try to not see you ever again
But I’m going to you again
Now no more baby
I hate myself for doing this, hate me
I can’t not see you
But I can’t see you either

Yes no no yes no
No yes yes no yes
Yes no no yes no
No yes yes no yes

Don’t do this
I tell myself this is the last time
But yet again

 

This song was originally sang by Suzy.
All rights belong to the respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

Hobgoblin (도깨비) – Concept Video

Our concept video collaboration with MarvinPD님 (@myeyecandies15) is out!

Truly enjoyed the filming process for this one with my special SSENZE girls. Big shoutout to our crewmate Bev, who has returned to Korea for her studies, but managed to film this while she was back in Singapore for a short while.

Don’t forget to check out our dance practice ver of Hobgoblin here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NQXka3j3-50

Credits
Videography/Editing: Marvin PD!

Members
Beverley (@berlyhong)
Youwen (@youwenny)
Peiwen (@wynne.wen)
Amanda (@theepheramality)
Xiaoman (@celesteyiap)
Yuzhen (@silhouettekiss)
Kris (@mrsxxmicky)

Follow us on:
Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/theofficialssenze

This song was originally sang by CLC (씨엘씨).
All rights belong to the respective owners. No copyright infringement intended.

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

Decalcomanie 데칼코마니 – Concept Video

Remember the dance teaser I’d blogged about?

Actual dance version and concept video below!

SSENZE 쎈ZE [DANCE COVER] DECALCOMANIE (데칼코마니) – MAMAMOO (마마무)

SSENZE 쎈ZE [DANCE VER] Decalcomanie (데칼코마니) – MAMAMOO (마마무)

Big thanks to Marvin PD (again!), as well as my Ssenze girls!

Regardless of how tired I am, they never fail to cheer me up ❤

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

Decalcomanie 데칼코마니

SSENZE 쎈ZE [TEASER] DECALCOMANIE (데칼코마니) – MAMAMOO (마마무)

Dropping a teaser of what’s to come. Do subscribe and stay tuned for the full dance cover!

Loving the video effects and edits from Marvin! Big shout out – he’s an amazing videographer. And big big thanks to our little helpers Beverley and Jia Rong for being our music and lighting fairies.

And of course, life is never boring with these girls (not the full strength, by the way).

Thanks for watching!

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

April Story – wait isn’t it February?

Happy Lunar New Year everybody!

It’s only February, but already I’m way too excited for the rest of year and can’t wait to live it. Spring’s return is the annual promise of hope and renewal, of abundance of laughter and joy. Growing up, Lunar New Year meant extra cash from angpaos, and waking up early on Chu Yi to pay respect to my elders. The true joys of it only hit me as I advanced in my 20s. I watched my loved ones grow old while the young ones of my generation have taken over their vitality. I really began to take less for granted. The clock ticks on even as you’re hating every moment of mingling awkward with your relatives, uncles and aunties for 2 hours of your life. That’s 2 hours of your life you’re never getting back. So why not make full use of it, and gift them with the best present that is worth more than a lifetime of angpao money? Your time. Cherish every second of it. Every minute you spend getting older is one step further to becoming a better person.

Here’s a really short video by SSENZE to celebrate Spring, especially the coming of April which is the cusp of a new season. This was a quick one with less than 3 practices, but we really enjoyed celebrating Spring. And if you ever google for the translated lyrics, it’s actually a really sad love story.

Hope you enjoy, and thanks for watching!

Gong xi fa cai!

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

>>>>

APRIL – April Story

언제인지 모를 참 오래전 얘기
소녀는 아무 말도 할 수 없었대
시간이 흐르고 또 계절이 가도
여전한 그 마음 어떻게든 숨겼대
행복해 보여
그 모습조차 미워질 만큼
점점 커져가는 마음
전하지 못할 비밀이 됐대요
봄의 나라에 사는 그 소녀는
얼음 나라의 멋진 소년을 보았죠
겨울 나라의 예쁜 그녀 곁에서
늘 웃고 있는 그 모습을
아름다운 맘을 억지로 숨기고
아름다운 둘을 위해 기도를 했대요
서로의 맘이 변하지 않기를
하늘에 매일 빌었대요 마치 나처럼
행복해 보여
그 모습조차 미워질 만큼
정말 어쩔 수 없는 마음
또 바보처럼 혼자서 달래요
봄의 나라에 사는 그 소녀는
얼음 나라의 멋진 소년을 보았죠
서로의 맘이 변하지 않기를
하늘에 매일 빌었대요 마치 나처럼
아픈 동화 속 얘기가
모두 내 얘기 같았어
다른 봄이 오길 바래요
난 그래요
억지로 숨겨둔 내 맘이 닿을까 봐
항상 혼자만 앓아요
봄의 나라에 사는 그 소녀는
얼음 나라의 멋진 소년을 보았죠
겨울 나라의 예쁜 그녀 곁에서
늘 웃고 있는 그 모습을
아름다운 맘을 억지로 숨기고
기적처럼 다 지워지기를 바라죠
아무 마음 없던 그 날이 오기를
하늘에 매일 빌었대요 마치 나처럼

This is a short post about Christmas

‘Tis the season to be reminded that quality time with your loved ones are the best gifts you can afford, which no amount of money can ever replace.

Cheers to all the old souls who will never be too old for log cakes, stories by the fireplace, midnight cookies and milk, and all of Christmas’ novelties.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE ❤

Dedicating this little one-take dance piece by SSENZE (filmed with the help of Marvin PD-nim!) to everyone out there who’s never stopped believing in the magic of Christmas.

Enjoy.

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

Music and Endless Wintering

“Music brings a warm glow to my vision, thawing mind and muscle from their endless wintering.”
― Haruki Murakami, Hard-Boiled Wonderland and the End of the World

 

Last night saw the revival of my 7-year-old iPod (above), opening an emotional floodgate of memories tagged to songs from another lifetime. Despite being in a badly scratched and battered state after years of abuse in the studio, it played just fine. I recall purchasing this as a fresh undergraduate who had just fallen so hard for dance and was ready to give up the world just so I could dance forever. On days when nothing else made sense but songs and movement, I was plugged into my iPod, lost in beats.

At 19, I was a dance instructor earning my keep. Pretty much everyone I knew joked that I was the part-time student and full-time dancer. I would skip classes for show rehearsals, then stay up all night after dance classes to do a half-assed job on assignments. I neglected a lot (of people and circumstances) just so I could dance. When I bothered to show up in lectures I was the hard-to-reach girl perpetually in baggy Tees and flashy dance shoes, who never stayed to chat with my Professors as I would be rushing off to dance. I’m blessed with parents who never questioned my passion even on days when I got home after rehearsals at 3am and had to be up for school in 5 hours.

Music was my high and music was my low. I danced hard out of passion. It was a vent for all my frustrations and a channel to my joys. In itself a process and not means to an end, I enjoyed dance rehearsals more than the actual showcase. I didn’t dance for fame – I was and am just as happy grooving in my own bedroom, eyes closed. More ways than one, dance is a bridge to emotional states I could never quite cross.

Eventually when I got my psychology degree, I knew my love affair with dance was to end. During my final semester reality struck hard – I was never meant to be a dancer. I was too ambitious and scared to be led by fluffy, unstable dreams. Much as I am passion-driven, I would first and foremost be a logical being with my emotions suppressed. A lot of decisions I now make are rooted in that part of me.

Last night, realization struck that I’m not the same person I was 7 years ago. Just as I often did I was in an open space, plugged into my old iPod, yet the familiar highs and sorrows evaded me while listening to songs I once loved. I used to be so harsh on myself – I would never allow myself to forget a step. Yet I don’t feel a sense of loss now at not remembering dance steps which once branded my muscles like a memory or a scar. Memories fade, as do priorities. Many things which once mattered so much to me, or even once meant the world to me, didn’t matter any more. I had playlists marked ‘To Learn’ or ‘Practice’ with music which were once looped over and over. Now they no longer made any sense. Other songs were sectioned into playlists by genre, mood and artistes, including a playlist just for ‘Recorded Lectures’ which I taped when my heart and soul wasn’t in the classroom with me  Even in an inconsequential iPod my life was logically compartmentalized.

Logic speaks for the mind. Even with evolving circumstances and passing time, I would always be reduced to a state of logical reasoning. Above all, my thoughts overcome my heart. At certain points in time we’re bound to feel lightning flashes of passion and heat – but could they endure the endless wintering of time? Or are they only good at offering escape and a state of trance.

Food for thought on this Sunday night.
I still miss.

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

Keep Calm and Jive On

So in a day we picked up jive, and performed for the SIA Group Long Service Awards. Extremely thankful for this bunch of amazing seniors with loads of experience, and a lot to offer.
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4 days, 1 jive and 1 hiphop item later, we were nothing short of muscle aches, bruises and for some, swollen ankles (thank you, ballroom heels) but I’m already missing our early rehearsals, studio madness, breakfast-lunch-dinners, preshow group hugs, chatgroup flooding and so much love.

Dance – you’ve been missed.

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

A Tinge of Nostalgia

Reminiscing the days where I was still an insanely active dancer – and decided to upload the choreography collabo piece which Rasul and I did for NUS Dance Blast’s 2011 concert!! (When I was still in year 2 going on year 3 and had a hell lot of time to dance.)

Truth is, I think this was my favourite choreography ever. I don’t think I can ever replicate something I like so much anymore — probably because I’d used all my favourite songs (at that point) in one item.

Good ol’ days ^^

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

 

#Firstworldproblems

Touched down from Copenhagen in the morning and headed straight for dance rehearsals after a quick nap! Had sooo much to catch up with, plus it’s the last rehearsal for the alumni item today. Wearing our club’s yellow shirt with its (now) faded prints and dancing in the open air in University Town brought back a wave of nostalgia. Come support NUS DANCE BLAST!’s very own annual Exxon-Mobil Campus Concert next week! Admission is free but you’ll need to queue up early or we’ll run out of tix.

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NUS DANCE BLAST! EMCC 2014
#Firstworldproblems
4th & 5th February
8PM
UCC Theatre
Free Admission
by NUS Centre for the Arts

P.S. Excited yet nervous cos it’s gonna be a killer week!

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

Shut Up and Dance

Remember this? My favourite NUS Dance Blast Shut Up and Dance (SUAD) Concert 2011 choreography by Xuzi, Erwin and Kevin. This video was taken (by Ulrica!!) during one of our last few vetting sessions with April Rodriguez, Joesar Alvar and Pat.

It was a flurry of costume changes (twice during the 5-minute item), and running left right centre to get to our positions, but nonetheless we had awesome choreographers who guided us along and gave us the best tips and advice we could ever get from our seniors.

In the same year we did April and Joesar’s collabo piece as a 10th anniversary special item.

And also the killer finale item by our blast father Pat, which required even more hurried costume changes and running everywhere.

This year, for our Blast EMCC we’ll be putting up the alumni item, where some of us graduated (Blast-eds) are coming back with a piece. Reliving the good ol’days of dancing as a team and slogging it out at the arts campus’s AS7. Really looking forward to EMCC 2014, not entirely because I miss performing and the stage… I really miss those days where we could dance without a care in the world, and spend all our after-school hours training for a concert.

Thank you for the good memories ^^

xoxo,
Viktoria Jean

Dancing to the backdrop of a slow descending grey

girlballet

Found this picture which reminds me of how I was when I was young (but obviously this kid is so much cuter, thinner, and prettier than I was), in leotards + black tights and pink  ballet shoes, (ribbons/bows in my hair because mummy loves them on my hair), stretching in chinese dance class.

I miss being 4 years old, stumbling my way through basics, with all the other kids. I miss the days my mom/dad used to take me to classes on Sundays and seeing their faces the moment I emerge from the cherrywood classroom, tired and sometimes upset at not being as good as the best, attributed to being less flexible. My parents would say it’s okay, try harder, practice more.

I miss the insomniac days when I would stay up till 3+ in the morning because I was too nervous about performing to the crowd, and my mum would sit me down, ask if I even want to perform (I remember her scoldings, that I shouldn’t even want to perform if I get so high-strung).

I miss my dance performances in Victoria and Kallang theatre, (once, we danced to super high pitched music, and we all played the role of ducklings that turned to swans in the pond…oldest and best dance memory). Mummy did my makeup, hair and everything, saying I had to look perfect for the stage. I’d tear and squirm away as she tried to draw my eyeliner. (Then I reflect on how she always says I have too much makeup on these days…who made me this way??)

Most of all, I miss being a kid and being extremely excited about sharing my dancing experience with my parents. They don’t seem to understand; they tried their best to make it to shows in the past, but I know that they would rather I stayed in chinese dance or something more traditional and down to earth, less in-your-face.

I really appreciate my parents for everything, even if I don’t say it.
Sometimes I wish that the best and lingering image they have of me isn’t the horrid teenager I was or the daughter who treats her home like just another hotel room, but the pure and innocent 4 year old struggling through dance class.

Fire it up, let’s go get this thing stuck

Dance-date with darling Krys Elisabeth!
Instagram sums up my precious one and only day back at home this week.

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I love you back, KEL to my VJL! 😉

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And this is why I have a regular spot at my favourite Starbucks cafe.

Somedays I wake up in a foreign bed in a hotel 1200 nautical miles away from home
and wonder where the hell am I.
Such an awesome feeling.
See you in a few hours, Copenhagen.

this post is written by a very happy person

Exciting collaboration with onekindofkrispy my dear fellow Scorpio dancer cum partner-in-crime!!
Really happy to be dancing because while the music is playing
suddenly we’re without a care in the world.
If we manage to make you say “you girls dance like sluts”
we take it as a compliment and thank you in advance 🙂 teehee.

dance

I’m back from Auckland, and really glad for a longer break this time.
Exhausting this may be, I’m looking forward to June
and working hard in improving my finesse, or…just becoming more familiar with my duties.

Also, I dug up a whole pile of short stories from land-before-time aka my junior college drawer,
stories which I never managed to complete!!
I still think my mind was way more creative before I got into dancing,
because all that hair-eography and head tossing must have killed about a billion brain cells.
Nevertheless I’m sure my neurons died happy 🙂

SOOOO!!! I’m going to alter those fictional by-products of my brain
and hopefully give them their rightful conclusion.
I hope my writing skills have not rusted.
Well, perhaps the cabin pressure in the aircraft killed another army of neuron soldiers.
“HERE LIES THE CREATIVE BRAIN CELLS OF ____
THEY BRAVED MANY A TOUGH BATTLES.
Rest in peace.”

xoxo
I-need-a-new-name

the best memories

The best memories remain when the worst are forgotten.
None is as great a peacemaker as time,
that simmers sharp pangs to a dull ache of the heart
and wipes all slates clean when the pain comes to pass.

The best memories upholds the smile when the tears are gone.
A gunshot with its reverberations
inadvertently ends with drawn-out silence.
Nothing that lasts an eternity is worth fighting for.

I am
Sincerely wishing everything that’s only the best
for the people who have made the biggest impact on my life
without having to remain in it forever.
The best memories are the candles that once lit up the darkest rooms in your heart.

xoxo
Viktoria Jean

pola

PS. Brief trip down the memory lane,
I found myself smiling.